Pondering what to do

My head is spinning with questions whether or not to take that piece of fag and stuck it up on my mouth, barf that extra piece of food, listen to what my folks has to say (But I've been doing that for so long now) yet right now I feel as if my whole life before me goes to waste and me without trying to do anything wild. Staying dull falling in between the crossing lines of good and bad trying to understand whether I should do it or not. I feel like a demon is chasing me his coming close and I'm already falling. I have every comfort in this world I am lucky to have my parents telling me off and making me their lap dog as a child, but we're never too extreme sometimes I think that I am cruel to my first best friend then suddenly erasing her from my memories without remorse or even want to know how she felt, Maybe it's all guilt for me on what I've done. I found it amusing how fickle I can be with life and seeing myself well off in the near future for what life has to offer me next...I am sad I hate how I feel...I should just take that freaking smoke already!!! In between these lines I was born in between...Should I choose the right thing to do or for myself...