THAT WAS SO OUR THING FIRST!

You know it's hard to confess what you feel to someone really close to you...be it a bestfriend, lover, parents and pet...I used to have a bestfriend her name was Zandra and we we're so close back then but now we rarely talk on the phone and see each other at school but these happened right after she left for Mandaluyong and she currently lives there. I also had another bestfriend named Jia but I only realized it right after she left you know I took her friendship for granted and called her up whenever i felt like throwing my sick fantasies at. Well she was sick in the head too but often though I noticed we we're competing in something like love and having boyfriends, first kisses and those kind of trivial things maybe she wanted to enjoy her adolescent life...Sadly whenever I think about my past I remember that old me carrying my brother's old knapsack back and stomping upstairs without noticing why my mother was even crying...Now I know why...She was being bullied by her own family...the pastor in the family whom we thought was something else ended up in America now with cracked common sense and too much in his feeling. maybe I'm unclear with this but I don't care...Where was I? Oh my mom cried that day but I don't remember when but I know i brought that knapsack with me now I don't know where it is...things repeatively change and change for the good and bad but to me it's always been the same and nothing changes but the way we see the things as they are...no matter... She cuts and I dont. I cry inside but she screams it out. I stay yet she goes. There's things in my mind I'd jump from it all then she says no and do what I have to do. Is this fate or the string are we tied like husband and wife? or God just made a joke. Who knows I love it anyway but to her maybe I'm something else. No way. We'd be sister cry, cut, sing and fight all day. But in the end we're still angels with dirty wings... I wish I could sing these songs I've been writing I used to try and make some with my cousin's back at grans place but now it seem distant...