Year 2010 Let my hand do the typing, my mind the talking and my self...uhh the vessel? Another year has come to past and new beginnings arrived so swiftly as it goes away, Last year was the most awful year I had regarding about social status, events, and self-esteem. I couldn't enjoy one single event without shaking in anxiety or boiling up inside our every trip. Its as though I couldn't enjoy it...couldnt...Could not... My love life started during my birthday where I solemnly and carelessly wished to God for me to have a boyfriend as a gift..."I WANT A BOYFRIEND NAO!" That was the very best and worst gift of all, I never knew that I could be so cold and untrusting towards that gift and I sometimes imagine that we would meet on a beach....and sleep with each other...I would've give my all to that guy if I hadn't sent him the most nastiest text message ever. We broke up around November, I got sick for a week and a cold sore on my lower lip then slowly I became so alone in this world...I could hear loneliness pounding and drilling itself into my ears it was so loud that I couldn't scream back at it. It was horrible. Love is horrible. I forgot all the good things that ever happened all the visits and the good times I had with my parents...I forgot all their goodness and sincerity as my parents and I treated them like they were lower than me. My mom even told me that " I know you dont pray for us." that was the hardest hit of all... I do say my prayers I do! Then I ask what am I good for anyway I'm just going to school everyday you cant even pay my tuition and you wanted this kind of education...gawd what the hell do you want from me? I know they want a better life for me as a nurse. I know, I know, I know! but back off for a minute I'm human too I need my space, my life, my whole being! dont stuff me in like those other guys...Sometimes I envy why my two bestfriends are enjoying their lives...Zandra is having a great time with her boyfriend :rollseyes: Jia's has enough opportunity in Canada Their lucky to be just like that! And then I wonder...am I unlucky or maybe I am the walking unlucky charm...I don't know what my worth is and how'll I survive in this country...its 3rd world people we dont just easily achieve our dreams with opening our legs to those who have enough of them. I know its sad....really sad but maybe its only in my head...maybe but I promise I wont do any of those things...none of them...I'm going to bite through the ice until I reach my paradise... I was even thinking of shutting myself off from the world their meaningless except when their needed.... I'll be stuck taking care of my grandma..... WOOHOO!2010!