Regretting your decisions

Can affect everything you ever dream of... Today my mother and I were at Minglanilla, Softouch subdivisions. We were there for about 3 hours doing nothing but manning and talking. My mother kept on talking about her separated feelings from my father I on the other hand started to think about him. Now I regret taking up Nursing ever. It's bull shit for those who can't pay for every day expenses and the pay my mother gives to that college is utter bull it's affordable but the students and facilities are shit. I hate it there not because I can't get along with the people but I just can't feel any thing special for this course I took up I know that I can get by with every thing thrown at me...its just that I feel so god damn doom makes me so mad to think that I was born a joke. I cried in the bathroom feeling regretful that it was my fault that every thing I do is always a mess and I'm nothing but some human thrash exploited by God's crooked hands. I yelled at him I hate him I blame him for everything thats happening I blame my self for ever thinking that shit happens! All those day dreamings we're premonitions into the future...now I see that I can't get by any more that I have to work...why can't I work? I can't because I'm a nursing student...I can't fucking get a work even as a part time waitress that just goes for meager shit cause I'm a fucking nursing student. I hate being like this but I just can't help but say all these things and you know what this isn't the least of my problems! I hate every thing! I hate being poor I hate being called I hate having to be I hate my family I hate every single one of my cousin's I hate my dad now! I hate myself the most! I hate every thing that I always do! I hate being alive... I hate being my dad's kid.