I just read this yahoo news. Pope at centre of child abuse storm It was posted by Michelle Leridon, AAP As I was reading through, I felt uneasy and at the same time vindicated. Last year, A similar case surfaced from the media about Simala's parish priest being labeled as "Bayot" or in english "Homosexual", It was always around 6 in the morning when my grandmother plays the radio and I'd over hear Bobby Nalzaro's early morning rants. When he featured the controversy about Simala I was in shock because in the recent past years I have always heard my peers and family talked about visiting there because of its miracles. I wanted to go too but unfortunately I was spared from having my belief crushed cause of school. I am a Roman Catholic by the papers, but I am free to choose who to give my faith to and I am not swayed by the fact that Jesus or God would always guide me in my path because I was never able to choose the path I've always wanted to take. When I was a kid I always repeated watching or reading the stories about Jesus life and the life and times of the past in action. I have overheard once that a friend of my mother appointed her cousin as the priest on her wedding day and on top of that she revealed that her cousin was a playboy and even when he was already a priest he still went on with his antics. The idea was that if her cousin was sent to priesthood he would be purified and cleanse with the church's brotherhood, but why isn't there any improvements? When I was a kid my mother sent me into Colegio Del Santo Nino to get a good education and a better up - bringing in a private catholic school then in highschool I choose the University of San Carlos yet within those years spent in highschool I started to realize that there was something wrong about God's system...I questioned and ran away to the darkness for awhile, but I still came back to him with fresher eyes. Yes, God may have his flaws but the flaws are part of his plan even though it may hurt and suck at times it is still his plan for our good... The other day, One of my best friend who lives in Canada now suddenly sent me an instant message on facebook. She was happy that I tagged her in a photo where my mom was jumping in, We talked for awhile and I was a happy too that I was able to renew my contacts with her but when I started to tell her about my problem about my parents current situation and how I felt confused about it. She started to talk about herself and quickly too about what had happened to her there. Maybe I am wrong to judge her words and act proud of myself alone, but the distance between us can not hide the fact that I don't believe her, And now I can hear her say "I don't care if you believe me.". Well, its only in my opinion that I don't want believe what she says because I know Jia can be a drama queen at times. I don't know whats happened to her or how she's become like this, but she had the time of her life and will always will. I don't particularly envy her a lot, but I really like her company because she's much crazier and cooler the way she is. Yet as her friend I don't really like her to lie to me just to make me feel that someone else have harder problems...When I think about it? The same goes when talking to Zandra and her topics would be about her boyfriend and how she feels and the tears and all of that. It's fine but sometimes I wished that she could stop talking about her boyfriend for awhile and talk to me as "Zandra" for once. And Jia is the exact opposite of Zandra. If I could measure them both it would be in a continuum. Zandra the Right and Jia the Left. Right would represent the normal healthy Filipino family that would be similar to the all-American family and the Left represents the dysfunctional all-American family in Filipino version. Me? I still don't know where I am in that continuum because I definitely can not find myself to be in both. I wish to be free of familial interventions and reunions. But Jia said something that hurt my pride as a semi-non-believer like "Go Back to God" Its not what she said exactly but she emphasize on going back to God because its much better that way...Well, it's not really because in real truth we have our own ways of going back to him and we live different lives so its hard to take her word because she sounded as if she's been jaded much...It's not that I hate her for that it just hurts whenever I think about her saying those things to me and over analyze the things I literally said because that was just an overview of deeper things I could not say...I have deeper things in my heart! I just wished she could let go of being a jaded, skeptic, and narrow - minded person that she is and think for once how I felt when I wanted to talk to her...But I can attest that on the years that she was away in Canada and started out anew there, I wasn't always there to talk to her on the phone anymore nor chat with her all day. I claim that I'm not entirely a good friend nor a listening ear very much yet Jia's been my friend all I can do is be with her in my heart and think about her and how she's doing and hoping that she's still fine and alive...thats much better right? Because I don't really want to dwell on her emotions or how she feels at all since I can't do that to myself either...I don't dwell much on my emotions but just cry it out like an idiot while talking to God... I think this post got very personal...And it is because of the priest, church, and the dumb adults who think that their better than anyone else...I don't really care if I look like a child and think like one, but its better to be a child because I would never be.