Its hard to deal with depression especially when problems within the family and your school start crashing in altogether on you. Mother said that I don't have a problem because I am just a child I shouldn't worry about anything in my life, It seems to me she just wants me to see her as a suffering martyr ever since my father became a wasted by-stander. I do not know how all of this happened so suddenly within one week and on my very first-second week of college drama.
Recently I planned to change my pink rimmed glasses into dark thick ones because I think that it will make me look more sharper and stricter. :D
Today we have new addition's in our N2 section a girl from California, A cute chubby guy, and some more people I haven't noticed yet.
Maybe I turned out this way since I've stopped writing down what I felt...I tried to surpress really hard what I wanted to say to my parents. I've been giving off my negativity in class which caused a rolling impact of the wheel to turn down. I know I'm smart I love being able to chase wisdom yet somehow I feel as if there are things I have to start letting go and face the fact that I will never ever have my ways till I turn back again and start walking slow.
I feel articulate at times but the rage buried beneath my soul isn't quite easy to handle...as if I house a certain kind of malefic green flame. It's both cold and hot...it can't be touched yet somehow hands are attracted to it...they seek it blindly tiring themselves and finally when the have it their eyes go blank with apathety.
I can't help drawing on my notebook nowadays the feel of smooth inking makes me so happy and relieved.
But I have my duties and I have to stick by it...till everything is settled I will try my best to enjoy this phase within my life.
