Chapter 2
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If only I was American it could've been different. If only I lived somewhere else not in this confusing country called 'Philippines'. I could say many foreigners are beguiled by this exquisite yet candid beauty that men call 'Filipinas' they live as they are told and work hard for their children's and families food. But they never ask anything in return for they know that such gratefulness could only be given back to their ever supporting god called 'Sacred Heart'
I was born on that day and well learned it later now...Right now I am in church tagging along side my pious mother as she prays fervently to these saints statues to have her wishes and sorrow be answered in the most significant albeit random way. And like all god-given children we are to pray obediently to our master and pray our mastered prays, In my school we we're forced as part of the curriculum to take part religiously to our christian living activities ( to me it seemed like an ordinary Jesus-did-this-and-you-better-not-forget-that subject) everyone is ecstatic since their friends are near and they would change seats in order to listen to anothers stories. I, on the other hand sat there plainly bored as ever yet attentively listening to these parrots of christ.
But what made me go there was for the 'Brothers' yes those seminarians they're such a waste of good looking, down to earth, happy go luck men! Whilst we stuck with this sex starved version of a man or boys...
Anyways, I stood there brooding once again while shyly looking around for some cute, mysterious and unique faces of both young and old. You see I had a fetish for somethings and these fetishes made me happy...I adore at looking at people trying to get a glimpse inside their eyes and read their souls like an open book...It was a habit of mine to read a person's face and understand what they meant I was fully aware that I was born accursed as a girl and no doubt would lose an important part of myself if I wasn't careful enough.
There they are swarming around this dimly litted church with black bats hanging around the ceilings as their nest. This church where I always walked passed and never bothered with the church that I've always run to whenever I didn't want to listen to the gospels...this church where my supposed father in heaven reigns over. The almighty powerful church of God and he who pisses God off crawls back to him in no time.
I'm serious! I'm serious! I'm serious!
"Are you done yet, Agnes?" I asked in a whispered tone while I stood beside her ignoring the old wooden sculp of the Mother of Regla. "Are you done yet?"
Ignoringly she continued her prayers the next minute she walked away from that point to go across the room and said her farewell to all the statues then back to me, and without saying a word grabs my hand and we dashed for the sacred room. I love that room it was the best place to sleep in without the guards annoying us even though it was prayer room people could lift their burdens in sleep while praying to the Sacred Heart.
As always we took those square cushions and placed ourselves near the cold marble walls. Mother continued praying whilst I started to imagine.
'Damn...wonder when she's done...man am I fat? (groan) geez what's with this skirt eww those guys we're looking at my legs dumb fucks! shit! shit! no cursing in the head! no cursing in the head! Ah geez sorry dad couldn't help it!'
Okay, I was quite the oddball I loved clothes but it didnt help that people stare at me as a weirdo, an sex object, or another wannabe but who knows I never understood other people anyway. I was dressed to kill that day even though we were always just going to church I could've settle for less but I have no idea why I keep on dressing up like one of those J-poppers on the internet it made me no less adorable or at worst just a damn tease to old men.
My body is nothing to boast about it is not perfect nor is it horrendous. It is as it is and have always been my body even if Time had ravage my body in its mercilessly whoring for change and stagnation. But one thing Time couldn't destroy was my mind I was glad that change was merciful and through my own faults seek wisdom in them through the eyes of my mind and silence.
I felt my mother reached for me cause she abruptly stood and finally broke the spell of wisdom fuelling my mind with pictures. I trotted behind like a good girl and wore my footwear as it is on my foot and met her outside the doors of this sacred place and as we walked past it to visit another important of this church I never failed to see those atheistic asians with their camera's and take footage inside our church.
Sometimes I feel that their smugness for having too much money and time to waste anywhere they pleased would always lead them into suicide someday. I wished ever so much that God would strike down those who gave into his side only for it to be a laughing stock for those who had not crossed to see...I hated them very much...
We we're finally going home I felt relieved and happy to be go back home. I've always been afraid of the sun going down it always meant going home and living here was different because I had to catch a ride quickly so I wouldnt be stuck in a traffic jam and this country always had them ever since the jeeps popularity increased and by the time I was around adulthood they had slowly evolved into a bad boy persona every driver wants to be, in the streets the cars we're remodeled and its engines we're change to suit the taste of these air devilish drivers.
The streets we're dark the jeep we took had a few passengers so the fresh street city air greeted me through the jeeps opened windows...Thick air slicing through our skins with the dirt they carried through since yesterday had slowly accumulated itself. Everything seemed normal but I knew there was something going on between mother and daughter. Looking at my mother's aged face I can sense the hardships she had had all her life they we're signs that she was almost sick of life and yet when I try to peer through her dark brown eyes they tell me that she understood everything was meant to be. I envied her. I wanted to grow up so much that I would do anything I want after this old woman let's go of me I can do everything I want and no one will ever tell me what to do...once I grow old
