Another week of duty assigned in the dr for our completion of requirements. I need 5 cases out of 5 assigned roles before I can graduate. Right now I feel pretty sleepy while my head is aching like crazy. Life isn't so exciting when you don't see the real point of what you're doing. I've been taking my whole schooling for granted and I never realized how much I am wasting my time doing things I thought I just had to do because I am oblige to it when in fact I need to give my whole self into it. 

These dreams and thoughts swirl in my mind like ripples in the water, Ripples that easily fade away into another, I dream about a lot of things in my life but when I write it in simple terms its only to become rich, powerful, respected, and beautiful. 

I am a firm believer in fortune telling not because it's fun and exciting but it gives me hope and tells me what I really need to see sometimes I don't get it and don't like what says but what they show is true. 

Today I was told that maybe I was wrong that I should be sure of what I am saying. Maybe he was right that I should had been but if he wanted to be sure he could've just went to the patient and recheck the baby's measurements again. It's not hard is it? Then he could correct me. 

Another thing is, I really couldn't care any more or less about what I do but I'm eager to learn from my mistakes but it feels so hard to do just that when you're just an average skilled person who does not show interest in anything except drawing and reading comic books. 

I really feel low about my self in this area. It's not that I can't handle a little heat but I just dont see where I can fit in that world where every one's trying to survive and help their families. 

I love my family too their my reason, light, and support that gives me that little push to move on and become what I need to become. Over come what I have to and be really show who I am. 

Sometimes I feel a little jealous about my lucky brother. He has it all right now but I sometimes think that his way too selfish and calculating but he does it for some reason as well yet I just wished that he could be a little more sensitive to what I feel about going to nursing school. 

No one really seems to get the deal that I dislike nursing. I really hate it. I really. really. do. 

I just can't see myself doing this and that and having to talk to people I can't stand. For fuck sake's I hate being in a crowded place! I hate where people are flocking together! I hate people who jokes around with sarcasm so they could gain popularity! 

Fuck 

Fuck

Fuck

!!!

!!

!

"Sighs" 

At times I wonder why I'm doing this when I could just stop and move somewhere else. 

Do I sound wrong? Is my thinking wrong? What so wrong about thinking like this? Saying what I feel like saying? Saying that I need to breathe? Why do people have to be involve with every thing I do? Why can't they leave me alone for once? Am I that obvious to your eyes that you can't seem to shake it off? Huh? huh?! 

God, I really hate this feeling every time I start writing and I end up writing emotionally when at first I'm just holding myself back. I want to blab. I want to talk. I want to say what I feel like saying. I don't care if anyone gets me or gets hurt that's their problem not mine I'm only human!!!!

F UUUUUCCCCKKK!!!!! D:: :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:

So I feel like a real monkey show to people. 

They don't care, I don't care, So who cares? 

It hurts to think about it. I really hate them. I really. reaally do. It's because of them I can't seem to move a muscle. I'm not free to do anything I want. I can't excel in anything because I cant forget that their at my back watching. watching. when they could just leave me alone. 

I really hate how I turned out to be. 

Such a loser. 

I am such a loser. 

I hate myself so much I just wished I could've died or worse I want to die so I can sleep and rest forever. 

I know its not yet my time but I really want to sleep so badly. 

I think about all the things that people are going to say when I fail. 

I think about all the mean and taunting words they spit at me when I try.

I think why should I do this when I can't even do it. 

No one every thinks and show off like their better than the rest. 

But I don't care let them shine it won't be long til they'll lose that shining arrogance. 

I'm just glad I'm safe in the dark. 

Because there is light after the dark. 

I'm tired about every one. I don't give a damn of what they want. I JUST WANT TO LIVE. 

I had a dream last night, I was arguing with my parents about my admission slip when my father lost his head he teared the paper into four pieces. It made me mad so I took the paper back to my room and I rested there for abit I thought I feel asleep when I saw something outside the window, It was dark, big and I think it had scales of some sort but I guess it was only its tail. When I finally got out of the room my mother came at me yelling trying to find my admission slip so when I told her what happened and yelled at me again to bring it back to them. So, I did but I almost forgot where I placed it. I tried very hard searching for it inside my room when a thought hit me then I searched inside my tarot cards box and there I found it intact together but still torned and so I rushed out and brought it to them. The scene had change from room to kitchen and they were there cooking something...

The new look

Hi everyone this place is under construction for awhile dont worry it wont be long as long as I get the codes right and while your here please check out some these PTC's I've found over the internet! Paid2view Movies,shows, clips over the internet. PinoyClicks PTC site for Filipino's Bux.to The oldest and most trusted PTC's Ahbux.com Still a PTC site I'll make a page to put up banners and list of these kind of sites so please stay tuned! :D If you have any questions regarding about the following sites feel free to contact or flame me :]

PTC's and School Life

It's been a turbulent semester for me, I've been searching deep to find the answers and thankfully I did...I found a blog with a post entitled "How a Pinay Makes Money Online" (you can click on this link to check it out) If you think this is a scam so be it it all depends on YOU to decide whether it is one or not but I am not siding anyone in this because I too am looking for a quick and easy way to earn online part time because of my BSN. Yes, I'm studying up to be a nurse one day but my goal is to earn a degree and a license name plate. xD I'm testing this whole gimmick up but the truth is I'm getting irritated and frustrated over some PTC sites that promises you credits. Some are even crazier than simple PTC's like the one I signed up awhile ago in it I was supposed to click on an ad that was inline with tones of ads then there is this flashing yellow light on them once you see a count down number you need to click it before it runs out if you dont you lose the points and the chance to earn. Silly arent I? But I can't believe the author: PinoyDeal she's one beautiful, hard-working, career woman if I should say so myself! :] Well, I aspire to earn money part time but its tough just like the way you need to find a stable job and income. I promise myself that I will finish my BSN so I can a have degree which could open doors for me here and abroad but as my they say "You will have to become poor inorder to become a millionare some day", I don't know who said that but its quite hopeless to hear. I MUST FIND WAYS!

Terrible! Thing! To! Say!

Our body is one and only so we must take good care of it. But how and what can we do to take good care of it? The first thing that pops into my mind is exercising...Can't do it around this time because of my so-called hectic schedule. I've been trying to squeeze in time for that particular thing to happen heck even I wrote it once on my planner diary that my dad gave me at the start of the first semester. Now I'm stuck with my friend calls Bulimia~ sounds bulgy and fat to me and it doesnt help! Right. We all want that perfect flat stomach six pack abs but the increased projects and work we do in our lives makes me wanna just lie down and sleep for the rest of the day. Not too mention I hate the smell of the food here. I cant believe my room smells like laundry. The pink 3 walled room is connected to the bathroom and I can't seem to come here without sniffing some acrid molecules decompressing into my room (did I use that right?) Oh god. Finals are coming up the first halve of my first year in college is almost about to end and the second semester comes and its back to studying and exams!!! Dude, will I look good in that duty uniform? From what I can discern now my mom was right when she said that education is a race between human beings...I remember one documentary about the human females mating season that their likely to cheat on their father-like husbands for a more masculine-type of male...so their sperms and genes can be passed or mixed amongst her genes----that is definitely weird and educational!!! So all the churchs and jesus sayings about cheating is all about suppressing raw human instincts?! Okey~ if the church was a controller of these inner beastiality that we humans posess then is it something like defying the laws of nature and isn't nature GOD? Wheee~~~~ :DDD Gawd! I should finish reading my psychology tomorrow is gonna be one hellavu ride~~~~ and if I dont wake up at exactly 5 then I can forget reviewing for my chem labs test!

First Semester and What College really is

My grades are fine except for one minor study. Did you know that if you don't choose heartily the school you want to go in makes it unbearable for you to stay? I know because I totally didn't want to go to school or even to college at first, but what made me proceed to college was my parents they forcibly wanted me to take it not because they wanted me in fact my mother says she would gladly not help me enroll because of financial problems. What made me decide to pursue this tertiary level was that I needed it basically to survive in the real world. Actually I wonder what is REAL Seventeen years old but I feel like I'm heading into mid-life crisis already. Is it from stress? I don't think so either...To tell you honestly I am not having the best time of my life in that particular school whose students are stained with a label known as frats, drop-outs and such. I wont name the school and neither do I want any public humiliation as the trend in the Philippine media nowadays. I, as a student, have my own perspective and point-of-view regarding this institution and stereotypical students there. Moreover, it can't be help because majority of the students are male ( not that it's an all male school) . College is a place where you have to strive twice as hard as you did in highschool. To follow-up your act as you enter a stage of ultimate drama called "Adolescents" and NO adolescent does not start until your 20 thats because adolescents is called "Young adulthood" says my general psychology prof. I say drama because ADULTHOOD is drama! And thats not all you enter in several stages of successive depressions or bliss whether your rich or poor, healthy or not, smart or not. Its all in the making of YOU as you go thru college and if I'm not clear with this topic then forgive me because I myself am in a major conflict between myself and the world. Desires, hopes, dreams and reality can be yours but you must strive excellence. Not necessarily get the highest average or aim for it but secretly wish that you want a part of it hey it isn't bad to dream once in a while ;} Good luck newbs!