F A M I L Y 

Problems

I've thought it out recently but it still is in my mind. I wanted to write it down so whenever I'm angry I'll read this post here and remind myself why I'm still stuck with my parents. 

First, I have the right to freedom,  voice my opinion, and follow my interest good or bad. I am a good person at heart I do not wish harm to anyone my intentions are purely for myself and to better my living conditions...I'm already 18 years old I don't want to wait for forever to get a job, earn money and buy my own car and house. I don't plan to go abroad yet until I am not established here. I want to experience life first here in my homeland before going abroad. I don't plan on marrying or become a single mom or have live in affairs that is just not who I am. You may say that once the taste of heaven comes I'll want to want it forever. No, I have full control of my urges and as a female I am responsible to my body and myself. I will never let anyone look down on me, pity me or even cry for me because I only cry for myself. I wasted my tears on a man who gave me a taste of that dream but I shattered that relationship so I could wake up from it. Thank goodness nothing bad ever happened to me back then. 

Second, Parents shouldn't tell their children what they want us to do. I am not your slave, I won't do as you say and definitely will not follow into your dreams. I've come to realize that its up to me what I need to do for myself I don't need another person's opinion or their trust to finish what I started. In finances parents shouldn't threaten their children about withdrawing their payments for school or dropping them out. Some college students never make it at the end anyways. We're tight on budget because most of the money goes to my school, I have problems telling my parents what are the payments that needs to be done, I definitely hate nursing in universities they really eat up the paper then impose a new ends meet. I've seriously had it with my parents annoying nags and always always never leave me alone whenever I want to stay in my room. I've change that since last night I had a fight with my parents because I shouted at them for being so annoying. I told them a couple of times that I had an apron I thought that was what they meant. I can't stand it when someone knocks on my door, stands  behind my door, or even talk behind it. I just can't stand that annoyance. I seriously need a new place to live. AWAY FROM MY PARENTS.

Third, Relationships are the worst! I dreamt of having the perfect guy to become my boyfriend but I never saw myself happy within a family, having kids, and becoming a mother or wife. When I do I end up running away from that leaving the husband and kids to fend off for themselves. My mother kept complaining how we're all a bunch of pigs doing nothing except make more trouble in the home and leave it there. If I'd live in my own I'll seriously show it to her that I can survive in my own way. About crushes and group pairings in class and duty it totally sucks not every guy or girl in class have the looks or even the personality (And I'm one of those people).  Study for yourself is the best option but you need to get help by and by especially when it doesn't sink into your head at all and no matter how hard you understand it it just doesn't seem right. Groups are ok but unless you want nick names and a posse go ahead. 

Now, I really consider myself a total sociopath. These days I just find myself reading too much shoujo manga, drawing alot of characters and killing time writing stories or logs. Sighs, I'm very stressed out in school and very very depressed about my grades in CHN I seriously hate those examinations especially when you guys meet only for a week and the exam can't fit in that span then the next thing I hate the most is those major exams on CHN I barely can get through reading my notes because their all so boring. Why the hell do I want to be a CH nurse anyway! I hate the heat! God, I can't take this anymore. 

For the rest of you reading this. Stop & Think . Before criticizing what you've read. If your just a total n00b then GTFO! if your a troll or lurker just discard what you read. Anyways, Its not even helpful to what your doing online.

Its exactly 1 am in the morning I have duty around 6  I don't plan on sleeping until I'm finished writing my requirements. God, I can't even tell you what a hastle our requirements is! You know what with this new uni status in the institution I'm going I couldn't even buy a frickin CER and they told us that they don't tell you what you need to do. At least give us a list or an overview what the hells a fucking bulletin board for! 

sighs...

The new look

Hi everyone this place is under construction for awhile dont worry it wont be long as long as I get the codes right and while your here please check out some these PTC's I've found over the internet! Paid2view Movies,shows, clips over the internet. PinoyClicks PTC site for Filipino's Bux.to The oldest and most trusted PTC's Ahbux.com Still a PTC site I'll make a page to put up banners and list of these kind of sites so please stay tuned! :D If you have any questions regarding about the following sites feel free to contact or flame me :]

OneSelf

"To be, or not to be, that is the question" ~ Shakespeare's Hamlet In becoming who we are, molded by a thousand hands yet came from one single parent, We are entities of some kind of Entity. Pitiful, I am to have failed my exams, crossed my love, and denied my kin. In fact, I should've told some one about this but my mind and heart says to keep it within for no one shall see what has been nor will they understand. I have tried to tell my dirty little secrets but the worse it has been misunderstood and by that I promised not to tell. I may LIE and that is a fact. Lying is an art, a skill, a virtue of some sort, and also the greatest gift and curse a mortal can ever have. Yes, my pretties lying is a natural ability of all flesh and blood. Tis different from cunningness, from being smart, quick, and blight. But dont we all have the ability to be one or more of these virtues? Disagree all you want but never deny the fact that YOU, in some circumstances, has done this to your family, friends, colleagues and even your SELF. "Thus conscience does make cowards of us all" ~ Shakespeare's Hamlet Let us continue on being One Self...well basically we have body of our own, a mind of our own and decisions we ought to make ourselves right? But the world we live in is filled with people. People who die for others, live for others, serve others, kill others, and so much more to say the least! And why do we fail to see our own self? Why do you agree that you are the spitting image of your FATHER or MOTHER... Why do you follow who is leading? Why do you agree? Why do you try? Because you are trying to be your Self Who are we anyways?

Terrible! Thing! To! Say!

Our body is one and only so we must take good care of it. But how and what can we do to take good care of it? The first thing that pops into my mind is exercising...Can't do it around this time because of my so-called hectic schedule. I've been trying to squeeze in time for that particular thing to happen heck even I wrote it once on my planner diary that my dad gave me at the start of the first semester. Now I'm stuck with my friend calls Bulimia~ sounds bulgy and fat to me and it doesnt help! Right. We all want that perfect flat stomach six pack abs but the increased projects and work we do in our lives makes me wanna just lie down and sleep for the rest of the day. Not too mention I hate the smell of the food here. I cant believe my room smells like laundry. The pink 3 walled room is connected to the bathroom and I can't seem to come here without sniffing some acrid molecules decompressing into my room (did I use that right?) Oh god. Finals are coming up the first halve of my first year in college is almost about to end and the second semester comes and its back to studying and exams!!! Dude, will I look good in that duty uniform? From what I can discern now my mom was right when she said that education is a race between human beings...I remember one documentary about the human females mating season that their likely to cheat on their father-like husbands for a more masculine-type of male...so their sperms and genes can be passed or mixed amongst her genes----that is definitely weird and educational!!! So all the churchs and jesus sayings about cheating is all about suppressing raw human instincts?! Okey~ if the church was a controller of these inner beastiality that we humans posess then is it something like defying the laws of nature and isn't nature GOD? Wheee~~~~ :DDD Gawd! I should finish reading my psychology tomorrow is gonna be one hellavu ride~~~~ and if I dont wake up at exactly 5 then I can forget reviewing for my chem labs test!

Stressing out!

The first few weeks of college is already creating a buzz inside my head as if someone and everyone is aiming their guns at me then shooting me crazy with their never ending bullets. I go to school every day dressed to make me feel good and secure, but with eyes...I hate people staring at me or checking me out as if I'm some kind of Loser or Winner meat bag. I keep on telling my ma 'I know, I know it's just...(insert reason)' and she says the things I have to hear or else I'll keep falling down. Being in college doesn't make me feel trapped like back then now I just need a time to reassess things once again in a positive manner...or else I'll end up being stuck in a rut again. To start off I lost my interest in doing my chores and being active again in our house. I go to my classes everyday anxious about refreshing my school memories and killing time hanging out with the pipz and pupz... Just this week I had felt in several occasions a strong enigmatic hatred towards a person in our class and even a different but certainly well know annoying trait that I had tried years to escape. The same trait that almost led me to my dementia and destruction. What I want to say is... I'm apt to kill myself with some jumping and a nice razor blade to cut myself down the lane making sure I'm okey for the next day. Pitiful! I just hate being depressed it makes me feel so sober about life being a bitch and just taking it all in cause she's your mother. Another thing about my mother and family life...their pretty fucked ever since my dad started to show his potentials as a stand-by nowadays it makes me feel like I'm just going to school since I need to help these bastards get money while they piss it off somewhere near RLD. Mom is different now she's way too grim. Words can't even embody her whole state now she has to wake up early from now on inorder to smell the day ahead. Earning money while my dad tries to stray away from his supposed position. You know I even other dads they make it seem like life is a joke...The one's in the tv make them seem so perfect...covering all the imperfectness by their so called love. I hate it. I just wished that my dad would just some how say the truth. Like he just doesn't care anymore cause his old. Some times I wish that life would be different if only I wasn't born.

I came home feeling empty after hanging out with my friends at the mall. Everyone was having fun but I don't think the birthday girl was although she gave off a calm aura. It's been a month since we all last saw each other but it feels like eons!!! I had trouble making up my head whether I should go or not, but then I really wanted to wear my goth-fits yet my mom she told me I couldn't and she wouldn't chaperone me even if she wanted cause of that. It totally sucked we had a fit over cause I complained while throwing a fit behind her she overheard it and came back to punch me but she didn't and thank goodness! After that I cried myself to sleep (Hahaha ^__^;) When I think about it I know I was in the wrong I couldn't explain the things I really wanted to- even towards those open minded ones I really can't it must be because I have trouble communicating with people ( Though I'm kinda superficial in talking...). It was trippy last night cause I was blaming him suddenly since I brought him up on a conversation with a friend I never realized I was just hurting myself again. Those mental and emotional torments we're happening with a twist of negativeness... And I came to her birthday hang-out at the arcade saw a lot of fashionized teenage confirmist some wearing big printed shirts in caps saying 'Proud to be a...' here and there (Their pretty much shit to me even though its my own race...baaaah!!! ) Anyway, When I got home I went straight upstairs but after checking if the internet was plugged on so I went up and opened the previous photoshop tutorial tabs. Did some tweaking on some pics here and there and pretty much getting all uptight about my war with mom...As of now she told me she was the unforgiving type...It'll only be for awhile till our heads cool off for now I'd rather tweak some pics and master CS3

This style is called vintage I found it using on tutorial (sorry but I forgot to get the name and url I was in a random fit anyways) But this one v is my favorite XDDDDD