Tarot journal

"You have training or studies to do. Either you need to improve your work or an activity, or you are preparing yourself to return to school. This will be an intensive training and you will require a strong will. It will take you lots of time and efforts. You will be placed in competition with others and you will have to cut you a path among the bests. You will absolutely need to do the best that you can, because you will be evaluated. At some point, you will come close to a failure or you will lose confidence in you. A desire of dropout will arise. You will come to a point of questioning the need, for you, to continue this training. You will overcome this stage and you will continue. This training will be recognized by the authorities and you will get a diploma, a certificate or any other paper that you will carefully preserve and that will be useful afterwards. You will be really proud of you. Keywords: learning, art, determination." My latin Tarot

Should I really believe what it says? I mean, I do feel that way because of my course since it isn't as easy as it may seem. I'm only at the beginning but I feel like I should've taken another course instead of nursing. Why? Because it was never my idea in the first place and I doubted my self if I should continue to going to school, I was planning on getting a job at first. But everyone wanted me to be a nurse now I'm not sure if I should continue it...I did enjoy my retdems during my second semester, but at the start of that semester odd and challenging things happened that made me realize what kind of life I've lived until now. It wasn't easy to get thru 4 years of highschool since I didn't like studying or enjoyed going to school and wait for that horrible subject to come up. But I managed to muster up all the guts I have and go thru it all. In the end I earned my highschool diploma and now I'm in college. sweet. At first, I thought great I'm stuck with a bunch of losers for two weeks before official classes starts. I had to go into this 2 week bridging classes for soon-to-be college students for science, mathematics, and english. Okay, so I did loosen up during 4th grading period so I kinda earned a 74+ passing rate. It's not so bad and besides I don't really care about that or did I ever learned to care about it. I may be laid back for lots of thing, but I still don't like to fail at something. So after the first week I immediately drop outta the classes because they were boring me to death and when official classes started the guards at the entrance told me that I wouldn't be able to wear a skirt! MY FREAKIN SKIRT! I CANT WEAR MY ALL TIME FAVORITE SKIRT BECAUSE OF YOUR FUCKING RULES?! FUCK! 'Ahem' that was first semester at that time I barely ventured out into the world of internet savvy-ness. What sad was I deleted my highschool blog from friendster! I started RF during first semester....then deleted the original title....It used to be called welcometocollege or collegelife or something close to that crap. Now, its Random Fanatic. Why? read 'MOI' Yeah, I found new friends but one thing that I hated the most was group projects and all of that. I thought college was something that you go at it alone cause you deserve it. But, I guess its all about being a team player and a strong leader for your group mates to believe in you and behave at the same time. Wow. Second semester wasn't all the best. We had financial problems that would always put me in a strong depression which made me cry in the middle of my study or just made me feel miserable every where I go. Financially & emotionally unstable we were...Its terrible. I tried talking about it but people didn't seem to understand nor did they ever were empathic about it. So I didn't talked about it because its useless and where did I go to let all of these out? Through my cards my divination cards because no one else understands me better and franker than my tarot cards.

Terrible! Thing! To! Say!

Our body is one and only so we must take good care of it. But how and what can we do to take good care of it? The first thing that pops into my mind is exercising...Can't do it around this time because of my so-called hectic schedule. I've been trying to squeeze in time for that particular thing to happen heck even I wrote it once on my planner diary that my dad gave me at the start of the first semester. Now I'm stuck with my friend calls Bulimia~ sounds bulgy and fat to me and it doesnt help! Right. We all want that perfect flat stomach six pack abs but the increased projects and work we do in our lives makes me wanna just lie down and sleep for the rest of the day. Not too mention I hate the smell of the food here. I cant believe my room smells like laundry. The pink 3 walled room is connected to the bathroom and I can't seem to come here without sniffing some acrid molecules decompressing into my room (did I use that right?) Oh god. Finals are coming up the first halve of my first year in college is almost about to end and the second semester comes and its back to studying and exams!!! Dude, will I look good in that duty uniform? From what I can discern now my mom was right when she said that education is a race between human beings...I remember one documentary about the human females mating season that their likely to cheat on their father-like husbands for a more masculine-type of male...so their sperms and genes can be passed or mixed amongst her genes----that is definitely weird and educational!!! So all the churchs and jesus sayings about cheating is all about suppressing raw human instincts?! Okey~ if the church was a controller of these inner beastiality that we humans posess then is it something like defying the laws of nature and isn't nature GOD? Wheee~~~~ :DDD Gawd! I should finish reading my psychology tomorrow is gonna be one hellavu ride~~~~ and if I dont wake up at exactly 5 then I can forget reviewing for my chem labs test!

Stressing out!

The first few weeks of college is already creating a buzz inside my head as if someone and everyone is aiming their guns at me then shooting me crazy with their never ending bullets. I go to school every day dressed to make me feel good and secure, but with eyes...I hate people staring at me or checking me out as if I'm some kind of Loser or Winner meat bag. I keep on telling my ma 'I know, I know it's just...(insert reason)' and she says the things I have to hear or else I'll keep falling down. Being in college doesn't make me feel trapped like back then now I just need a time to reassess things once again in a positive manner...or else I'll end up being stuck in a rut again. To start off I lost my interest in doing my chores and being active again in our house. I go to my classes everyday anxious about refreshing my school memories and killing time hanging out with the pipz and pupz... Just this week I had felt in several occasions a strong enigmatic hatred towards a person in our class and even a different but certainly well know annoying trait that I had tried years to escape. The same trait that almost led me to my dementia and destruction. What I want to say is... I'm apt to kill myself with some jumping and a nice razor blade to cut myself down the lane making sure I'm okey for the next day. Pitiful! I just hate being depressed it makes me feel so sober about life being a bitch and just taking it all in cause she's your mother. Another thing about my mother and family life...their pretty fucked ever since my dad started to show his potentials as a stand-by nowadays it makes me feel like I'm just going to school since I need to help these bastards get money while they piss it off somewhere near RLD. Mom is different now she's way too grim. Words can't even embody her whole state now she has to wake up early from now on inorder to smell the day ahead. Earning money while my dad tries to stray away from his supposed position. You know I even other dads they make it seem like life is a joke...The one's in the tv make them seem so perfect...covering all the imperfectness by their so called love. I hate it. I just wished that my dad would just some how say the truth. Like he just doesn't care anymore cause his old. Some times I wish that life would be different if only I wasn't born.

Eyeliners: How to do it with style!

If the above object doesn't work click here dew1403 in his video shows how to put on eyeliner for both guys and gals. Whats interestingly funny about this video is how he delivers it for the guys that gets called by fags or whatevs and then a great way on putting the stuff on with style! There is probably thousands or millions of DIY and tips on doing your own make-up. For me I'm just new at it so sharing about this can be a great start. With people basking in at comments on how they do it and some that don't get it much, And others who are just plain haters. But we can't live without them. Another great site for make-up and beauty tips are in http://www.makeupgeek.com they have forums, vids by the original make-up geek herself, tuts, swatches, idea gallery, and you can also buy Mac and Nyx brands from their online store along with make-up tools as well. But I don't suggest this is the only great site to look at! Heck there is probably millions more of these kind of website's now! So go check at Google.com they might have a long running list of these. ;] happy hunting!

I came home feeling empty after hanging out with my friends at the mall. Everyone was having fun but I don't think the birthday girl was although she gave off a calm aura. It's been a month since we all last saw each other but it feels like eons!!! I had trouble making up my head whether I should go or not, but then I really wanted to wear my goth-fits yet my mom she told me I couldn't and she wouldn't chaperone me even if she wanted cause of that. It totally sucked we had a fit over cause I complained while throwing a fit behind her she overheard it and came back to punch me but she didn't and thank goodness! After that I cried myself to sleep (Hahaha ^__^;) When I think about it I know I was in the wrong I couldn't explain the things I really wanted to- even towards those open minded ones I really can't it must be because I have trouble communicating with people ( Though I'm kinda superficial in talking...). It was trippy last night cause I was blaming him suddenly since I brought him up on a conversation with a friend I never realized I was just hurting myself again. Those mental and emotional torments we're happening with a twist of negativeness... And I came to her birthday hang-out at the arcade saw a lot of fashionized teenage confirmist some wearing big printed shirts in caps saying 'Proud to be a...' here and there (Their pretty much shit to me even though its my own race...baaaah!!! ) Anyway, When I got home I went straight upstairs but after checking if the internet was plugged on so I went up and opened the previous photoshop tutorial tabs. Did some tweaking on some pics here and there and pretty much getting all uptight about my war with mom...As of now she told me she was the unforgiving type...It'll only be for awhile till our heads cool off for now I'd rather tweak some pics and master CS3

This style is called vintage I found it using on tutorial (sorry but I forgot to get the name and url I was in a random fit anyways) But this one v is my favorite XDDDDD